A date to remember : Part 2

Yeah, so my first date. Total disaster.

Remember how once I told you about a crazy first date which went downhill from the start? Yeah this is kind of on the similar lines. Except this time, I was the idiot.

Kids, huddle up and grab your seats. I’m going to tell you a story. While this may be a fun read for the girls, the lads should get their pen and notepads ready. I am about to give you a life lesson boys, so pay close attention.

Welcome to the introductory class of ‘How to screw up a first date with the girl you love’

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First off, the basics. Never ever gloat about your dating game. Do not proclaim that you are the greatest love guru there ever was and how the girl will be lucky to go on a candle light dinner with you. Because, trust me, the girl will say yes to go out with you, but she’ll be analyzing you every step of the way. One slip-up and you’ll be burned to the ground. Believe me, you do not want that.

A smart girl has that kind of sixth sense where she can easily sense whenever you are trying hard to impress her. Remember that one time at the gym when you lifted those really heavy dumbbells to catch the eye of that one cute girl? Yeah? Well then you must also remember the outcome of that activity. How you pulled your muscle and the girl didn’t even look at you twice. I’m telling you bro, it is of no use trying hard to impress the girl. You’ve got to be yourself.

So why on earth did I gloat to my girl that I was the greatest master date-planner that ever existed?

Simple. I was trying hard to impress her. But hey! Before you get all judgmental and tell me off for being a show-off and a phony, let me tell you something about this girl. Before dating her, I’d tried multiple things to try and impress her the normal way. I played guitar, drew cartoons on her desk for her, brought chocolates for her, opened the door and held the chair for her. All gentleman stuff. Was she impressed? You’d be surprised, but no.

Bhai unki side se friendzone tha, aur humari side to koi aur hi zone. Zillat to honi hi thi.

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So as a desperate attempt, I did what every man does to grab the attention of any woman. I exaggerated. You know, I made up stuff like how I am the greatest date master and how she’ll be lucky to go out on a date with me.

Tekengi tu matthe bade rabb nu, ke mere jeha banda tainu mileya type of stuff.

Now consider it a challenge or genuine interest, she agreed to go out on a date with me. Now before you make any assumptions, I did have most of the date planned out. It was a good movie, followed by dinner then a long drive back home. Simple enough, right?

I knew from our talks that she liked animated movies, so I booked two tickets for ‘The Jungle Book’. Now I made a very general and very sexist assumption that every girl needs to change before going someplace nice. But hey, women do! So my assumption was valid.

So in the evening, after our office, I asked her whether she wanted to go home and freshen up?

She said, “No. Why? Do I need to?”

Now guys, whenever your girl asks you how she looks, don’t think, don’t blink. Just look her in the eyes and tell her she’s beautiful. No matter if she is in her sweatpants, wearing no make, is down with fever or what not. You tell her that she is beautiful. I’ll tell you why. See in a relationship, the girl is always a bit reluctant to get in at first. Whereas we men are the ones to do a head first dive into the relation. But not girls. They analyze each and everything. When they are sure, they’ll go ahead with you and keep on going forward with you. They need to be sure. But when a girl is sure, mark my words, she’ll stick with you no matter what. Heck, she’ll even be your housemaid and do all your chores for you. All she wants in return is herself to be appreciated. So you tell her she’s the best whenever you get the chance. Otherwise she’ll dump your ass. Rona mat baad me.

So coming back to the date, she asked me whether there is a need for her to change. I looked at her. My god she looked gorgeous. Her eyeliner carefully outlining her big expressive eyes, her small gentle lips covered in light red lipstick. The golden danglers in her eyes went well with her blue n gold outfit. So when I told her that she looks gorgeous, I was just stating plain truth.

She blushed and said then okay, let’s head to the movie theater. I held out the car door for her as she sat in the car and we went ahead to the movie theater.

Now, why I wanted her to go home is because after dropping her home, I wanted to pick up some roses to give to her. But now, that chance is gone as we were driving straight to the movie theater. It never occurred to me to stop on the way to grab a bunch quickly. I know, I am an idiot. Which brings us to our second lesson. Boys, always have flowers handy in such cases. Girls really appreciate these little things. Have a backup plan ready in case you can’t get your hands on a bouquet at the time. Or you know what? A bouquet is not always needed. Sometimes a single rose does the trick.

So here we drove up to the movie theater, flowerless. I showed her to our seats and tried to make small talk with her. Communication is key in a relationship. Then the movie began and we began watching mowgli frolicking around with balloo in his orange chaddi.

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Boys, lesson number 3. Whenever you go to watch a movie with your girl, focus on your girl and not the movie. I don’t care if Ethan Hunt is dangling of a Russian cargo plan and Benji won’t open the door. 

Movie is not your priority here. The girl is. Movie dekh lio baad me torrent pe.

This was the mistake I did. I was so fixated to the movie that I failed to notice that she was feeling cold. Now this is partly a mistake on her side as well. You know we are going to watch a movie in an air-conditioned hall. To behen sleeveless kyu pehen ke aayi ho? Sorry, probably not good to go with the word behen here, but you get my drift.

But the girl can’t be blamed here. She spent a good amount of the day in getting ready to look good for you, whereas you just got up in the morning, trimmed your unshapely beard and put on a gallon of deodorant. She put more effort in getting ready for the date than you did buddy. It’s okay. Which brings us to life lesson number 4. Always carry a clean sweatshirt with you for such occasions. Had I had a sweatshirt with me that day I could’ve heroically gave her that and she’d be pleasantly impressed by my thoughtfulness. 

Apni sweatshirt utaar ke de do, thodi thand bardaasht karlo, chivalry isi ka naam hai.

But due to my lack of planning, she sat there feeling cold and I sat there feeling helpless. Not a good feeling, by the way.

The movie got over at around 10:45PM. I had planned to take her to the food court at the mall. Now that I think about it was a terrible idea. Who takes a girl to a mall food court on a date?! Apparently idiots like me do that. Unfortunately, or fortunately, the food court had closed down. So now I had nowhere to take my date to for dinner. I could tell that she was feeling hungry.

While walking down the escalators, I quickly messaged my friend about some good restaurants nearby. My friend gave me some suggestions, not all heroes wear capes. Now I could have taken to a couple of good places that I knew or my friend suggested, but most of the places close at 11, so my options were vastly limited. See what lack of proper planning does.

The result? We were in the car, hungry and lost. I was driving around town, scanning any open restaurants where I could take my date. Finally we found a nice place, which was also about to close. But luckily they were ready to serve us.

I apologized for my mistake in not picking out a good restaurant, to which she smilingly accepted my apology. I could see that she was enjoying watching me make a fool out of myself. But hey, if she could just smile like that all the time, I have no problem playing the fool.

The waiter appeared with the menu card, which I showed her for taking her opinion on the dishes. Then she said those two words which every newly minted boyfriend, or in this case, boyfriend-to-be dreads.

“You decide.”

Now I am a big on food. I can eat particularly anything. But I am not so sure what to order when with a girl. Because I know dinner dates are less about the food and more about the partner.

She likes non-veg delicacies. So I decided to play it safe and ordered butter chicken with butter roti. Within no time the food was served. While we were eating the food, she was constantly smiling. When I asked her about it, this is what she said:

“Whenever out on a fancy date with a girl and you order chicken, please order a boneless one.”

Why? Why boneless? Apparently girls are supposed to be graceful. She wants you to see her as a graceful princess, at least on the first date. Its and entirely different story when on the 15-16^th date you both can chew with your mouth open and still love each other. But first date, boneless chicken. You can’t have grace while fighting with the bone trying to get the flesh off. Guys, life lesson. Make note.

Post dinner, I thought it’d be a good idea to go for a long drive before I drop her home. Now the city streets are mostly empty at night, so you can rev up the engine and drive above the speed limit if you want to. That is what we guys think of long drives. Just miles and miles of empty paved road and you go blazing fast on it.

Girls however have a different notion. When on a long drive with a beautiful girl, try not to show off by driving the car fast. Instead keep the speed around 40kmph, put on some good music on the stereo and enjoy. Another life lesson guys, no need to be Vin Diesel when on a romantic long drive with a girl.

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Okay so quick revision. No roses, subjected her to the cold environment of the movie theatre by failing to provide a jacket, no prior dinner reservations, ordering the wrong type of cuisine, driving faster than Sebastian Vettel himself.

Five strokes down. It was time to do some damage control. On the way back home I saw an ice cream cart. I quickly pulled over near it and got out of the car and with the sly grin on my face, I said to her, “Wait here, I have a surprise for you.” I could tell she felt excited.

Only when I came back, I had bought two sticks of her favourite ice cream, which I thought would be a good idea. I cheerfully unwrapped her stick and handed it to her, which she received with a smile. I thought to myself, now something is going good, something’s looking positive.

While I unwrapped my stick with a sigh of relief, she smiled and said, “It’d have been better if you’d have brought one stick instead of two.” I looked at her in amazement, then it got to me what she meant. We could have easily shared the ice-cream! It’d have been a hell lot romantic! Oh god what an idiot I am! There she sat, laughing like a child on my naivety and here I was, ready to punch my own self into oblivion.

I took her near a park, where we both sat on the bonnet of my car. She was enjoying her ice-cream and I was wallowing on self-pity. She then said, “Are you ever going to hold my hand or shall I take the initiative her too?”

But hey, this is not my fault as you know, physical contact can be touchy subject. So you’ll just have to be really focused on the girl and the non-verbal signs she throws at you. You’ll have to take a leap of faith man. 

Who said dating was easy?!

So after a while we headed back home. Here I was thinking that all is lost and gone. I finally got a chance with this girl and I blew it. No, it can’t be over. I asserted myself and as she was about to step out of the car, I said, “I want a do-over.”

“What?” she said.

“You know, a do-over. I’d like a second first-date.” I said. There was a high chance that she’d turn me down, after all I had not delivered the best first date.

She looked at me, smiled and said, “I’ll tell you what. Let me reimburse the dinner bill to you and you can have a do-over.”

This was bad, but I thought I have already screwed over the date, what am I going to do with that last shred of dignity? Let’s do it.

“All right. Fine” I said.

She smiled and said “Okay then. You’ve got a do-over. Better use it well!”

As she walked toward the main door of her home, she looked back at me and said, “I really did have a wonderful time tonight, you know? I really haven’t enjoyed this much on a date this much before. Can’t wait for our second first date.”

Okay, so the girl liked it after all. So not that big of a disaster. But I still need to take her out on a proper date now. No more hiccups and/or mistakes this time. I’ve got to make it up to my girl.

Come back next week here to see what happened on our second first-date.