All love stories ain't pretty

Well here is a little something my brain cooked up. Its a bit emotional and sentimental and a wee bit sad. Its about a breakup (we've all been there haven't we?) So, do read!

The room was mostly dark. The tiny night lamp tried to cover most of the room with its pale yellow light, but it just covered the nightstand, where it was plugged in. Most of the people like to sleep in the dark. Scientific studies have shown that a dark room is a better place to sleep than even a dim-lit room for biological reasons.  But she preferred a little light in her room, not because she was afraid of the dark, but she liked it anyway. It was convenient, according to her. Her room was fairly neat. Even in such poor light one could walk around without the fear of trampling on something on the floor, be it her old blouse or her college bag. Adjoining her room was the balcony, whose door she kept open. As her room was on the fourth floor of her building the security wasn’t an issue. Sometimes an occasional pigeon would swoop in and would startle her, but mostly it was a serene view.

Suddenly, there was a bright blue light in the room, accompanied by a strange sound. The noise woke her up. It came from her cell phone, which she had kept on her nightstand. Half asleep and angry, as who is calling her this time of the night? She sat up on the bed, picked up the phone and viewed the screen to see the caller’s name, her eyes still battling the intensity of the light. The name was familiar, it was his name. Now she was completely awake. Why was he calling her that too at this time of the night? It’s not that they hadn’t talked on the phone this late in the night. They used to text each other; stay on call with each other till the wee hours of the night. But back then it was all different, back then they were together.

She sprang out of the bed and headed towards the balcony. The view at this time from her balcony was inexplicable. There was no color anywhere; everything was in gray scale as it was bathed in the moonlight. The road beneath looked like a black sea, shimmering with the reds and yellows of the lights. In spite of l this serenity surrounding her, her mind was racing with confusing thoughts. She took in a deep breath and answered the phone. “Hello”, she said in a voice that was as sweet as honey, yet the sensation of fear was evident.
“Hi, sorry to wake you up” came the voice from the other end. It was him.
She wanted to ask him straightaway why had he called, but her tongue didn’t help her.
He continued “I suppose you are wondering why I called you at such an odd time?”
“Yes. Its 2 o clock. Why did you call me?”

“To tell you something”

She was getting irritated “What is so important that it couldn’t wait till the morning?”

“Ah, look at you, getting so awry again over nothing! How typical!”

Something was wrong. His voice sounded different. She asked “are you drunk?!”

“Yes, a lot. Why do you care?”

She had no answer, or she didn’t want to answer. She just let out a sigh and leaned on her balcony door. “Listen Karan, what’s the use of this? What do you want to talk about?”

“I want to tell you some stuff. Something that makes you sees you’re worth to me.”

“You don’t want me. I’m worth nothing to you Karan; you proved it again & again. What’s there left to say?!”

“Please Anushka, shut up and let me talk. It’s really important otherwise I wouldn’t have bothered to call you. I’ve spent the past month trying to get you out of my system. I need to tell you this all shit just hear me out okay, just be silent for the next 20 minutes. Just breathe into the mic so that I know that you are there. Can you do that for me please? Don’t make me beg now”

She could sense a pain in his voice, she wanted to argue with him, she had been pining for him too, but she decided to remain quite. She breathed into the mic of the phone to signal him in confirmation.

He then continued, “Ever since I met you, I thought you were different. Different in a major way than the other type of girls I’ve been with in the past that’ve broken my heart. That’s why I fell in love with you. I know it would be hard, not being able to see you every day, relying only on the phone to be in contact with you. But I was up for it. I know we both have a major difference in our religions and societies.  I have to have an egg every day for breakfast and you are a strict vegetarian. I load up my paranthas with ghee & malaai and you act like you are lactose intolerant. Food habits apart, our family cultures are opposite. Yet I was ready to take a stand for you when it counted. But it meant nothing to you. You have two sides Anushka; I don’t know which side to trust. One side of yours applauds me and the other one criticizes me so deeply for the same action, it leaves deep scars on my mind. First you act all cool of my habits, but then after we get together, you start criticizing me and doubting me!  I never asked you even a single thing, with whom you go to college, who liked your pic, whose pic did you like. But you, you always doubted me. When I met you, you came across as this open minded girl, who was never troubled by these small things. Why the sudden change?!”

She couldn’t say anything. She was infuriated, but she kept quiet. She let another breath and he continued “It was like everything I said or did was okay with you first, but later on, it was meant to hurt you. Have you ever thought that why would I hurt you?! I love you more than my life, I still do.  I came to meet you, all alone. I lied to my parents and came to an unknown city, but for you, it was not enough. According to you, every boyfriend does this, I didn’t do anything special. I don’t care about money, you know that, nor do I care about sleep. I spent my exam preparatory leave nights just talking to you. It was cold as fuck outside but I remained outside in just one sweater to talk to you. And you know how it is in my home. I’m always handed all the work. But that doesn’t matter to you as well. I can understand that you want to talk to me, and I want to talk to you too! But I’m so stressed out right now that the talk wouldn’t be proper and you’d get pissed again! What do I do?! ”

She was crying, he could tell from the sobbing noise. He hated it when she cried. But somehow, today, this wasn’t making a difference in his harshness. He was damaged beyond limit in this relationship, accepted his faults where he wasn’t wrong, all in the selfless name to save the relationship. But she was reluctant to accept this fact. According to her she only fired shots at him when he provoked her. This is what enraged him, and he continued “I know who were troubled with your past. But let me tell you one thing sweetheart, I’m way different than that bastard ex of yours, and you know that. You’ve ruined what we had by comparing it to your past. I have a past too. But I don’t cling to it like you do. I never compared you with her. You are much better than any girl I’ve ever been with. But you ruined it. You would get upset on me spending time with other girls at my college, but that I don’t blame you for. I even take the blame for not remembering the calendar details of the events in our relationship. Even when we broke up earlier, that was my fault. But clinging on to that and bringing it up over and over again, you’ve proven every argument stated by me that time. You’ve changed, and yet you accuse me of changing. You don’t talk to me and update nonsense about me, without even telling me the matter, which is your fault. You accuse me of prioritizing money over you, which is your fault! You keep comparing me to your past, which is your fault!”

This was much more than she could handle. She broke down; she hung her face and covered it with her hand in order to control herself. But it was too late. The emotional flow had begun. Many a times when people are cornered, having no way out of a situation, they tend to act vulnerable, so as to protect themselves. But this was different. She was not trying to play the sympathy card. He could tell. He had made her cry once before. He knew that she was hurt, that too a lot. He wanted to go on, be strong and continue talking, that’s what he had planned all along. Not to be wavered by any emotion, tonight’s talk was just about getting closure. But listening her cry so bitterly was too much than he can take. His resentment for her wrong doings was much less than the love he had for her.

“Baby” He said, “Anushka?”

She replied back while crying “Done? Have you said everything that you wanted to? Got enough? Nice way to put me in the bad light. Here you are, not talking to me for like a month, and then calling me up one night just to put all the blame on my head?! Are you the same man I fell in love with? How drunk are you that you can’t make sense of what you are talking?! Have I wronged you so much?!”

He couldn’t reply. It was not about answering the question, but the outflow of the emotions that had to be created in order to get this thing out of their system. For a few minutes there was nothing but silence. She could hear the distant traffic from his side of the phone. She knew he was drunk, but she didn’t know that he was out on the streets.

“Why aren’t you inside?” she asked.

“Would I’ve drank at home? Dad would’ve kicked me out anyway” he replied in a goofy tone which made her laugh. The laugh which entered his ear and soothed his heart, which had been bruised by the misunderstandings between them. He laughed along with her too. For the next minute they just laughed softly with one another. But then, she heard what appeared to be a shrill noise, like the shrieking of an animal form his side. She was startled. “Karan? What was that noise? Karan? Hello?!”

But he didn’t answer. He too had broken down. He said something to her, but she couldn’t make out what as it was all drowned in the emotional teary voice. Then he hung up the phone. She was taken aback. They had been in lots of fights before, but she had never seen him cry. This man never cries. Then how did he break down today? Was he right about all the stuff he said? Is all that true? Has she scarred him for life? Was he stating the truth or just dumping the blame of the breakup on her? All these thoughts emerged as a whirlwind in her mind and she started feeling a little dizzy. She tried calling him back but the phone was switched off. She threw the phone on the bed and sat at the foot of the bed, staring into space, thinking of what had just happened.

Meanwhile, he was sitting on the bonnet of his car, which was parked on an empty road. Everything was lost in the darkness except for the road, which had its own personal streetlights for illumination. He was still sobbing. His friend walks towards him and sees that he has trashed his cell phone down on the ground. What was an expensive smartphone few minutes ago is now reduced to useless electronic junk. He came up to him and tried to console him “Was that really necessary? I know how much you love her, then why pick up a fight unnecessarily? Why shoot allegations at her at two in the night?”

He looked at his friend and smiled, which puzzled his friend. He then said “It was necessary.”

His friend was even more puzzled “How exactly?”

“I know she is a stupid little girl. She loves me a lot. This past month wasn’t easy on her as well. I know surely for a fact she still cries herself to sleep every night. She tries to get over me but can’t. You know she assumed too much about me. In her eyes, I was perfect. I was everything she wanted. But life is a bitch. Things never work out your way. Now we can never get back together. Things are so complicated between us right now. You know me, I’m stronger than her, I’ll move on somehow. But she, she needed a push. This incident will hopefully make her think that I’m a bad guy. I tried to put all the blame of all the misunderstandings on her. And hopefully she’ll realize that I’m not worth crying for. So she can get over me, thinking I was just a bad memory.”